Today, we’re so happy to announce our first guest blogger – Tracy Morgan of Segnavia Creative – a business development & marketing firm serving entrepreneurs. Tracy is a Cinder sister through and through – we’re jazzed to have her contribute to the Cinder blog. Tracy calls her journey through divorce “a wicked trip that was critical to really growing up, and getting serious about unearthing and honoring my authentic self. I’m excited to help the Cinder girls guide other women with insight, passion and grace. So many wonderful women helped me when I was struggling; I’m honored to pay it forward.”
Watch for other Cinder guests coming soon!
When I was coming through my divorce, it was tempting to veer off into “retail therapy-land” one too many times. Sure, I knew the truth: I was placating those feelings of insecurity and worthlessness (ugh, the dirty underside of divorce) that were hounding me by picking up the perfect happy lipgloss or a dress that made me spin. Though I was fairly certain that my divorce (and a really good therapist) would guide me through that wasteland, I was feeling very afraid. I believed that I would be ok, but certainly there were days that didn’t feel like it would ever be normal again. Somehow a new pair of shoes seemed really, really normal. And maybe a little sassy!?
Reading Cinder and the sister book A Woman’s Financial Guide to Divorce – though in retrospect – I now realize how common my feelings were. There’s nothing like a massive public life failure to push you off over into the abyss of uncertainty. And the first thing I felt as a woman going through a divorce was that I was CERTAIN I was going crazy. I was the only one on the planet who felt the way I did. No one could understand me. No one else could see it from my eyes. While some facets of this were certainly true, the bigger truth is that I wasn’t alone. Not even remotely.
When Carin added her list of “Ways to pamper yourself on a budget” to the workbook, I knew I’d struck gold. I wish I would have unearthed some of this wisdom during my divorce. Because, honestly, I didn’t need money. And I definitely didn’t need any more cute sandals. I needed peace.
I know this feeling isn’t only related to divorce. When life gets stressful and I feel less-than-secure in my world, there’s nothing like a little shopping to soothe the soul. And yes, I know better. So sometimes it’s about remembering the better ideas. Here’s a few that might help you:
(Tips from A Woman’s Financial Guide to Divorce; notes are mine)
- Take a walk. Stretch the pins and get your heart beating. Whoa! Look at me exercising!
- Drive someplace beautiful and have a picnic. Treat yourself like a queen – the best food, a nice wine, a cloth napkin.
- Have your friends over for dinner. No better way to introduce laughter and good eats.
- Take a bath while reading a favorite magazine or book. But keep your Kindle in a Ziploc, ok?
- Try a new hobby. I suggest something that doesn’t have a lot of hidden costs. Scrapbooking and knitting always sounds like a fun hobby, but the gear! The supplies! I might as well buy shoes.
- Play with a puppy or kitten. Therapy of the cute.
- Read a book. Get lost in someone else’s drama for a change.
- Do something nice for someone else. Instant karma and a smile on the face of someone who needed it.
In the end, it’s important to feel valued and worthy – but we need to give those gifts to ourselves instead of seeking them outside. These little treats are great ways to boost our inner princess without breaking the bank.